I always remind myself of how fortunate I am. This pandemic and how borders everywhere are closed has made me often think back on my experiences growing up. I’m Singaporean on paper, a third culture kid by experience, but a global citizen at heart. I was raised in 3 different countries: Singapore, Malaysia and Dubai. Now, I’m living and raising my own family in Brisbane, Australia.
My husband, our kids (2.5y and 4mo) and myself were all born in different countries. And so, we each have our own unique memories of growing up, under different influences and environments. Three years ago, I was working as a behaviour analyst for children with special needs in Singapore. While I enjoyed my work, fatigue set in and eventually I found myself looking for job opportunities overseas.
Enter: my knight in scrubs. When we decided to get married and for me to join him in Australia, he was initially worried that the big move would be a major problem for me to agree to, but little did he know I was already ready to pack my bags. Life just always works itself out, doesn’t it?
When we got pregnant the first time, the thought of returning to our family back home to have the baby did run across our minds. But, as with all major decisions in our life, we carefully weighed the pros and cons and concluded that it made more sense to deliver in Australia. Who would turn down free medical expenses right? Plus, all babies born in Australia are automatically AU citizens and that would settle the issues of paperwork and visas to bring them back into the country if I had delivered them back home.
It’s been 2.5 years of being a SAHM now. I’ll be forthcoming: I’m relishing my freedom and independence 100%. Raising our kids on our own, we get to make our own decisions and work together to raise them without the influence of too many outside voices, which can sometimes be overwhelming. My parents raised me to be independent and self-sufficient, and I have learnt a lot from my mother who was a SAHM raising kids overseas herself. In other words, I’ve been on the other end of the stick, so this whole thing isn’t really a new scary world for me – I’ve just experienced it through a different lens.
But it’s not all easy – balancing our culture/religion with the western culture here is tricky. A lot of things are being done differently where we are now, and we have to do the tough job of explaining and educating when certain things that they experience aren’t exactly in line with our religion. For example, if a boy wanted to wear a princess dress while playing dress-up because his female classmate was doing so, he will gladly be allowed to without a second thought. While the children will find it innocently amusing, us as Muslim parents shoulder the extra worry and responsibility of educating them about the boundaries within our religion while also being respectful and tolerant of other forms of lifestyle.
That aside, I’m also slowly getting more accustomed to just how laid-back parents are here in Australia! I remember grabbing coffee with a couple of mums that I met at the library, and I felt like the most uptight person there. I had my son sitting on a high chair, eating steamed veggies packed from home, while some of the other mums were giving their teething babies salted fries, shrugging and saying “well, they’re gonna have them sooner or later anyway!” Being a first-time mum then, this took me by surprise as it went against doctor recommendations. But then again, some of these mums were already on their 2nd and 3rd kid and 2 of them were nurses, so they knew what they were doing. I have definitely learned a lot from these amazing mums, and being confident with how I choose to raise my kids is the biggest takeaway.
However, being away from family does pull at heartsrings. I miss them, and sometimes I wish my kids could go out and play with their cousins, aunties, uncles and grandparents just like that. Thankfully, technology has made it possible to video call very often. My toddler can already hold a short conversation with his grandparents over the phone and he gets excited whenever he hears me talking to them. He loves showing them his toys, talking about his favourite shows and the clothes he’s wearing. It’s just quite sad that he only knows them as faces on a screen for now. We’re all just waiting for borders to reopen. Soon, I hope.
All in all, life continues to give me reasons to be grateful. Even after moving away from my family, I found a community of people in the same boat as me, and my worries about not having a support system slowly disappeared. They’re my family here now.
Alhamdulillah.