So as of yesterday, it’s been exactly a whole month since N started playgroup. I was initially feeling meh about it because seeing and hearing her cry for 2 hours made it hard for me. It even made me wonder if it was the right thing to do. But loooo and behold:
She loves it.
I love it.
Her teachers love her (so far, at least).
The crying only lasted about a week. Now she rushes to the glass door with her bag, knows the check-in routine, and happily waves bye-bye to me before (almost) running into class to sit on her designated chair. I make it a point to ask her teachers every other day or so 2 questions:
One: What did they do in class today? Two: Did she participate?
I don’t get pictorial updates of her in class so asking her teachers is the only way I get to know what’s going on. Also, I kind of like to get a gist of the lesson of the day and continue it at home. In the past month, I’ve seen the following changes: N takes instructions better, can sit longer in one spot (she used to have ants in her pants, this one!) and her speech is coming along too. She can say quite a bit of words and is starting to count now and I continue to be amazed every day.
While she’s off in “school” for 2 hours, I’m usually in the kitchen getting laundry out and lunch on the stove. Nothing too different than usual except for the fact that (especially if H is out at work) I’m really alone at home and I end up blasting music and singing my butt off. The last time I could do that was… wow when?
I even made some new mom-friends and I’ve gone on breakfast dates while our girls are in class. It feels so good! I needed this kind of time more than I thought I did and it truly has put me in a better headspace because I get to be me. Just me. Not mama-me. Not wife-me. Just me.
Come to think of it, in the last 19 months, I think I can count with my two hands how many times I’ve actually been out without N, spending some time with myself or my friends.
I always put my time with her above time with myself and I’m slowly realising what people mean when they say you can’t be a good mama for your kids without first being a good person to yourself.
I guess it’s an adjustment for me as much as it has been for her. Possibly, more for me. I might have forgotten who I was, and what my own company felt like. And now I realise that I need to remember her because that’s the person I want my daughter to get to know.
Gonna end this post with a reminder for myself, and for all of you Mamas:
