My Children Defined “Success” For Me

Success means different things to different people. If you asked my much younger, more carefree-self, success maybe looked like having a 9-5 office job. Success meant attaining one of those jobs that came after “study hard so you can be a ____”. There can be immense pressure to excel in studies and eventually get high-paying jobs. We’re trained from a young age to work hard in school, strive to be brilliant and achieve great things. 

I was lucky to have my parents be supportive of me to pursue whatever my passions were (at one point it was to pursue Arts!) So when I started to dabble in cake making & decorating, I had their full support and encouragement.

It’s to no surprise though, as I was growing up, my mom made magic in the kitchen. The house often smelled like a bakery. My sisters and I had the coolest birthday cakes. As I got older, I grew more interested in the process and she happily showed me the ropes (she always talked about passing down her legacy to one of us). I aspired to put ourselves out there and expand further from just baking for family. We officially started Halwa Bakes around 2013.  

A lot has happened since. I got married, had my 3 (!) boys, and my mother has since retired. I run Halwa Bakes in my own home now, and have been for 4 years and counting. At times, as I fumble around in the wee mornings getting food ready, replying emails and sorting out some chores before the boys wake up, I would find myself wondering what my life would look like if I wasn’t busy with kids.

Perhaps I would have a proper work kitchen somewhere, or maybe even a small cafe of my own. I’d be able to take on more and bigger projects, and I’d definitely be able to expose myself to more opportunities. I’d be “successful”.

Is that a running dream of mine? Absolutely.

Would I trade time with kids for that now? Definitely not.

As with all mothers, my kids are my life. I’ve always imagined myself being at home raising my kids – that was always part of my ideal future. So even though my boys have poked at one or two of my cakes (I’ve since known better than to let them anywhere near) and even though some days, lines between navigating work and family priorities are blurry, I wouldn’t ever have it any other way. 

You see, running a business from home means having your kids see you there but not being able to have you engage with them as much as they would like. It means skipping that puzzle or reading that book just once, echoing “Not now, ok?” one time too many, because you have to get back to work. It means seeing all the fun Montessori activities other mums are doing on Instagram but knowing you might not have the time. It means perpetual momguilt because “am I letting them watch too much TV?” and “are their minds stimulated enough today?” and “did I spend enough time with them today?”

But it also means being able to see and watch your kids while you work. It means being able to read that book with them, even if just once. It means being able to do the simplest things together – like watching TV. It means just being able to be with them.

My kids have taught me many things that apply to both my life and my work. I push through the exhaustion because they remind me what I work so hard for; them. Their 10,000 questions a day inspires me to think outside the box. And their countless meltdowns train me to be patient and more forgiving towards them and more importantly, myself.

With my kids and my lovely husband a.k.a super dad/ my business advisor/ #1 fan, I really believe I am best where I am right now.

So nowadays, while I fumble in the morning, enjoying the pocket of quiet time before the whirlwind of the day commences (read: the kids wake up), I reflect on how grateful and thankful I am for whatever shade of green my own grass is.

This is my success.

Photo from Halwa Bakes.

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