There are many thoughts that go through my head everyday as I spend all day at home with my toddler. In this current pandemic especially, when going out requires you to think twice and recheck the numbers on the Gov.sg website beforehand.
I’m pretty sure I’m not the only Mama going crazy on some days. I mean, you’ve probably clicked to read this article because you’re secretly hoping to find something on this list that’ll make you feel normal, and less of a freak mom.
Don’t worry, I got you sis. I can say with 90% certainty that the things you’re going to see below crosses your mind at least once a day. But you’re probably not going to want to tell the world you think them because again, freak mom, so I’ll do it for you.
#1 How many times do I have to ask?
This, applies to not just kids. Yup, we know who.
Toddlers, teenagers, husbands… they’re all the same. It’s as if the first time you ask for something or give out an instruction just gets automatically voided and cancelled. Like the little red exclamation mark on your WhatsApp message that indicates “Message not delivered”. It just doesn’t get sent. And then it has the audacity to ask “Try again?”
So you’re there, using up extra breath, time and energy just repeating the same thing again and again. Like as if you existed with an abundance of patience and calmness and totally no sense of anger and frustration at all.
“Come here now.”
“Put away your toys then come to the table for lunch.”
“Bring the clothes in.”
“Throw out the trash.”
“Wash your hands.”
If everyone just did everything the first time they’re told, wouldn’t life be easier? Wouldn’t the flowers smell nicer? Wouldn’t the sky seem blue-er? Wouldn’t the world be a better place? Yes, I went there.
#2 OMG, shut up.
There was one time I was sitting on my daughter’s play chair, watching her sort out her puzzles. It was past 5pm and so I was already zoning out by this time, okay? She called out to me and my eyes darted to her. “Look, Mama! Mama, look!” So I looked.
I already looked. I was looking at her. But she went on. “Mama look! I did it! Mama! Mama look!” It continued on and on and on.
I just stared at her. No, I stared through her. And in my head, God forgive me, I was thinking “Omg, shut up please.”
She in fact, did not. And I in fact, snapped back into the moment.
The end.
#3 I love you, but leave me alone.
Our kids are our world and we love them to death. But some days death seems like a sweet solution. I’m kidding. Or am I?
With the constant yelling, crying, asking, demanding, rejecting, persuading on top of the cooking, cleaning, planning, managing and just basically surviving, it can get really suffocating. We’re being pulled in every different direction possible with everyone needing every part of you.
And at the end of the day you’re left with little bits and pieces of yourself – you’re no longer a whole.
So sometimes we yearn some solitude. Not in a bad way, we just need to remember what our inner sane voice sounds like, not the madwoman yelling in your head that echos all day in there.
#4 Man I should have peed longer.
It is our escape. Within the four walls of that small, damp room we are finally alone. And if we focus hard enough, we can ignore the handprints on the door from the outside, the banging and the calling, and we can finally be really alone.
But for some forsaken reason, despite knowing that’s the only way we can catch a breath, we rush through our business so we can step back outside and return to them. And then two hours later, while we’re sitting in a mess of Lego, cars and plastic kitchen toys, we’re thinking “Man, I should have peed longer.”
Because God knows when we’d get to pee again.
#5 What the hell am I going to cook today?
The age-old question. We’ve all seen that meme, right? The one about figuring out that the hardest part of being an adult is deciding what to cook everyday for the rest of your life? Yeah, that one.
Try adding kids to the mix. One who doesn’t do vegetables, another who refuses to touch anything red.
Hands up if you’ve considered screwing it and not preparing anything at all, leaving everyone to starve for the day. No one? Really?
Shoutout to my Kitchen Mama Toolkit which is a set of three printable templates to help you plan and stay organised in the kitchen. You are welcome.
Photo by Kinga Cichewicz on Unsplash