H works in 12-hour shifts that only rotates per month. So that means he’d be on the morning shift (7am-7pm) for a whole month and then he’d switch to the night shift (7pm-7am) for a whole month after that.
When we first started living together (basically the day after our wedding), it didn’t seem so bad. Of course we were on long leave for the wedding and the honeymoon and when we returned I think he was scheduled for the morning shift.
So it didn’t really kick in that when he’s working nights, I’d be alone. In a new house. All by myself. Just me. And me. Together with me.
I cried, you guys.
Now before you judge me for being a complete loser, let me just say this. I had just had a wedding. Spent 2 weeks with my new husband exploring Greece. Started living with a boy. That’s a lot of new things to be happening at one shot.
Then suddenly I had to deal with weird sounds from downstairs that are so much louder than what I’m used to (previously stayed two floors higher than where I’m at now). Lights from cars streaming into my room. People sneezing right outside my window?! On top of that I hadn’t gotten used to the sounds of the house even. What the wind brings in at night. The tips and taps of the window grills expanding and contracting. The aircon piping. Neighbours. Everything!
Twice I had panic attacks because I had convinced myself that the house was haunted and that someone or something was knocking at my window. H even told me to pack my stuff and spend the night at my parents’ but I didn’t. Because I was too scared to get out of the room but fact remains I didn’t, okay.
But as with everything else, I got used to it. Even throughout my pregnancy and when N arrived I managed to remain sane and power through. It’s slightly a different story now with a baby – I’m not afraid, I’m just really tired. And there’s no one I can pass her to when she’s being cranky and won’t go down to sleep.
Working nights mean you’re resting during the day. The daytime is when most people get most things done. So while I feel like every alternate month I become a single parent (because H needs to rest during the day and is out working at night) I also understand that it’s the nature of his job and I should be supportive. He relatively likes his work so I’m not about to convince him to switch to a 9-5 desk job just for me.
Although that would be nice.
Anyway these days I tell myself to embrace the quiet nights (when N is asleep) to rest and recharge. Or in most cases, blog away. It can be kind of therapeutic.